Did anyone ever smell someone's feet, THEN give them candy?

Happy Halloween! I pulled a big bah humbug this year and didn't dress up. It was easier to cut out the middleman by staying home and drinking and eating the candy myself.

I had some awful costumes when I was younger. My parents weren't very enthusiastic about the holiday, so I always ended up throwing something together at the last minute, which has carried over to my modern self.

When I was in second grade, I dressed up as a crazy lady. No joke. I had mismatched clothes, my hair was all ratty (uh, that was totally part of the costume) and one of the lenses was missing from my fake glasses. Yes, I thought of that all on my own. Why do you ask?

In sixth grade, I was a gypsy. There was a party and cute boys, so I had to be something attractive. (Whoops.) It was my mom's idea this time, I think. I had big hoop earrings, a crazy long, flowy skirt and a blousy top. Ridiculous. Oh, and lots of blue eye makeup. God, why didn't I take pictures?!

Then, a few years ago, I dressed up as a '50s girl. I am so cheap when it comes to this stuff, and I didn't want to shell out $100 for something for one night, so I went to the vintage store with a friend and picked out something there. Well, a group of us decided to go out instead of just to someone's house, so there I was, at a bar looking like a prude. I had a poodle skirt, a cardigan and a scarf in my hair. I looked totally hot next to the sexy policewoman and the sexy teacher.

So now I just cut my losses and hope Nov. 1 comes quickly. Maybe I can say that I'm secure enough that I don't need to become someone else for a night. Or maybe I'm just afraid of writing in five years, "Oh, wow, when I was 27 I dressed up as a sexy garbage collector ..."